Pre-Midlife Crisis

One of my tennis coaches is a talented tennis player and a soon-to-turn-20 college boy. Yesterday, I went to the court a bit earlier than usual, so we had a about 30ish minutes conversation. To protect my source and not reveal his real identity, I will call him “Jimmy” in the following conversation.

Jimmy: What’s the book you are holding in your hand?

Eva: This? It’s called The 4-Hour Workweek. It’s about how to live life freely and
not to defer happiness after retirement.

Jimmy: So like partying hard after work and during weekends?

Eva: Ha Ha, not exactly. But sounds like you are a hard-core party animal?

Jimmy: Me? Ha maybe before, but now I just like to chill. I still like to go to bars
and stuff, hanging with buddies and talking to the girls, but nothing too crazy.

Eva: Oh? So what changes you?

Jimmy: (look away and gaze at the gate 20 feet from us) I just got out a serious long-term relationship, (pause 5 seconds) You know I was a good boy, when I was with this girl, I didn’t party at all. So after we broke up, I was eager to get back into the game.

Eva: Wow, you must be pretty crazy out there.

Jimmy: Ha not so much, you know, the usual stuff. Drinking and flirting with girls.

Eva: Well, it’d probably be fun for a while, but soon you will feel empty inside and realize everything is really vain.

Jimmy: I know what you are saying. At the end of the day, we all want someone who we can call and talk to and be asked about the day.

Eva: Yea, someone who is sincere and actually cares about you.

Jimmy: But I feel sometimes people just want someone to be there for them, they want to be in a relationship just because they don’t want to be alone. If conveniently, someone happens to show up in their lives at that point of time, they will take whoever. Chances are they don’t love that someone.

Eva: I agree. Lots of people would settle for anything out of fear.

Jimmy: And I don’t believe in “love” even. There is no such thing existed.

Eva: That’s a bit harsh. I do believe love existed, and…

Jimmy: Even so, it will die down sooner or later.

Eva: Well, your parents love you, that’s true love. They will sacrifice everything just for you. Physical attraction dies down eventually, but the love can grow founder. However, I do agree that it’s pretty hard to establish that profound love between two strangers.

Jimmy: See, you girls are all about love and always want to find “the one.”

Eva: Ha Ha, you are so negative about the whole love thing. But I totally don’t believe “the one” or “there is only one soul mate out there for you.” That’s bull.

Jimmy: Totally. You know I have a theory. I think a guy can be heartbroken only once, and a girl will be heartbroken at least…. 5 times.

Eva: Hahaha, why is that?

Jimmy: Guys are rational, and girls are emotional. Girls are all living in the fantasy. Like those girls I met in the bar, yea they are cute and I talked to them, but they are so dumb, we can’t even carry on a conversation.

Eva: So do you usually ask their numbers? And do you call them back?

Jimmy: I do ask their numbers and will probably call them afterward, but I am not going to date them. Hell No. And they all think that something more serious could possibly happen.

Eva: Don’t you want to be in a relationship anymore?

Jimmy: Nah, not anytime soon. I enjoy my single life. How about you?

Eva: Ha, I am too old for the game. I am at the point that I don’t want to just fool around.

Jimmy: How old are you? Like 25?

Eva: (Smile) Thanks. That’s asian discount. I am a bit older than that.

Jimmy: Ohh, so you are close to your pre-midlife crisis.

Eva: What do you know about pre-midlife crisis?

Jimmy: When you are approaching 30, all of a sudden, it just hits you, so many confusions and questions about life arise. Wondering what you have achieved, what’s happiness, your life purpose, and what’s the right path you should be heading to..etc.

Eva: (Tilt my head and look at him) Why do I have a feeling that you seem to see it all?

Jimmy: (slight flush on his cheeks) Well….because I only dated older women.

Eva: Like how old?

Jimmy : The oldest one was 36.

Eva: ………….

I don’t know what will catch your attention from our conversation: the love/relationship talk? game playing? cougar dating experience? Well, to me, it is the pre-midlife crisis.

A midlife crisis is experienced between the ages of 40 and 60. It was first identified by the psychologist Carl Jung and is a normal part of the maturing process. Most people will experience some form of emotional transition during that time of life. A transition that might cause you to take stock in where you are in life and make some needed adjustments to the way you live your life. Most seem to come through the process smoothly without making major life changes. For some people, it probably comes sooner and we called that pre-midlife crisis which is usually happening in your late 20s to 30s.

Most people, my past self included, have spent too much time convincing ourselves that our jobs have meanings, a resignation to 9-to-5 drudgery in exchange for (sometimes) relaxing weekends, and the occasional keep-it-short-or-get-fired vacation. And one day, we wake up and we are 29 year old. We look back and try to recap our past 29 years. What have I achieved? Am I happy? Does my life have purpose? Am I contributing anything useful to this world, or just shuffling papers, banging on a keyboard, and coming home to a drunken existence on the weekends?

So, have you found your answers yet? Or have you even started the pre-midlife review?

The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool.
--Richard P Feynman, Nobel Prize – winning physicist.